Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done...
When my grandmother passed away I was asked to do her hair and make-up for the funeral. I really had to give this some thought. I in no way want to sound disrespectful of my grandmother, but I have always been extremely afraid of dead bodies. I knew that this was something that I was going to be very uncomfortable with and took about 4 days to decided if I could do it or not. In those 4 days I prayed and prayed that the Lord would give me the courage and strength to do this for my sweet grandma. The night before the viewing I told my parents that I had decided that I would do it, but at this point honestly I really didn't want to and wasn't sure if I could actually follow through on my commitment.
The morning of the viewing came, I got in my car and just began to sob, I cried harder then I think I have in a very long time. I cried the entire hour drive to the mortuary in Salt Lake. I was overcome with fear and with heartache over the extremely sudden, unexpected loss of my grandmother (she was so young at heart she always felt more like my friend then my grandma). As I was driving I could feel the spirit so strong, I knew everything was going to be ok, I knew that somehow I would get through it.
I got to the mortuary and they took my mom and I in to see my grandma. We started out by dressing my grandmother in her Temple clothing (inside our Temples we wear special white clothing...to learn more please go to www.mormon.org also you can scroll to the bottom of my blog to learn more about our Temples). As soon as we had her dressed in her temple clothes all the fear I originally had was gone and I could feel my grandmothers spirit right there with us. I literally KNOW she was there, it felt as if she was standing right next to me. As I was doing her hair I could hear her voice clear as day in my mind saying, "Brittany dear, I am so tickled that you would do this for your grandma." And I know it was her putting those thoughts in my mind because that is exactly how she spoke. Throughout the time of us being there I continued to hear her words of encouragement in my mind.
This was one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had. It was an incredible experience to know that even though my grandmothers earthly body has left this earth she is still very much alive. Her spirit lives on, she is not gone, and I will see her again. I felt Heaven and Earth meet that day. What I once thought was going to be one of the scariest experiences of my life ended up being one of the greatest (and hardest) things I have ever done. It felt so good to serve my grandmother, she was always serving everyone around her and I am grateful to have had the privilege of doing this for her. Instead of being consumed with fear like I expected to be, all I could feel was love and gratitude for my darling grandmother.
I knew that loosing my grandma was going to be extremely difficult for me. I love and adore all of my grandparents. I was very sad when my moms dad passed away, but it is a little easier for those left behind when they have been ill and there passing can be a blessing. I never expected to loose this grandma so quickly, she was my youngest and healthiest grandparent. I was especially close to her and feel like I have lost one of my dearest friends. My little 3 year old keeps saying to me... "Mommy papa Ron (my dad), his mommy died, I'm so sad, are you going to cry mommy"? He is such a sweet little boy! My kids have noticed how hard this has been for me. As time goes on it has gotten a little easier, but there are still days that I just can't believe she is really gone and I can't hold back the tears!
I am grateful for the experiences that I have had with my sweet grandpa after my grandmothers passing. My grandpa has never been much of an emotional man, but I have seen sides of him in the past 2 months that I didn't know existed and I am very grateful that I have had the chance to grow closer to him.