Thursday, July 21, 2011
This last month has been so strange and so hard. I haven't felt like myself and just can't seem to get out of this "funk" I am in. I know that I have very good reasons to not exactly be super chipper, but truth this, this spot I am in is really starting to drive me crazy!!! I am the type of person who thrives on being productive and lately I just can't seem to muster up much energy to get a whole lot done. I finally got most of the upstairs tidied up today, thanks to my awesome neighbor keeping the kids for several hours. Hopefully tomorrow I can get the energy to tackle the basement, it really is beginning to look like a BOMB has gone off down there!
A few days after Court and I got back from our trip to Cabo I came down with some really WEIRD bug and I just can't seem to shake it. I wont go into details, but basically EVERYTHING I eat makes me extremely sick and this has been going on for two straight weeks now. I am loosing weight (not good when you are pregnant) and have been to the hospital twice for IV's and to monitor the baby. My Doctor has me working with a specialist to try to figure out what the problem is, but so far the hospital has run tons and tons of tests and they can't figure it out. My fingers are crossed that we can figure this out quick because I am going CrAzY!!!
Despite how difficult the last month has been, we have had some fun and are all working hard to stay positive. Our family has had some very spiritual and sacred experiences since my brother Jake's passing that have brought us so much peace. There are still MANY days that I burst out in tears, mostly in the quiet moments when my mind has the chance to think about him and try and wrap my head around the idea that he really is gone. At least every other day I find one of my children crying and when I ask them what is wrong, the answer is always that they miss their Uncle Jake.
Loosing my dear Grandmother this past November and then my baby brother has at times been a very heavy burden to bear. My grandmother lived a long happy life, her passing was shocking, and so sad, but I have felt content in knowing that it was her time. When your baby brother dies at just 20 years old, that same comfort of, "it was his time", just doesn't exist. When I focus on the feeling the spirit and leaning on Heavenly Father for answers, I do feel peace in Jake's passing. But the peace doesn't take away the pain, it only eases it. I know that as time passes the grief will not be so heavy, but life for my family will forever be changed and that is hard to come to grips with.
I REALLY am doing my best to focus on all things HAPPY! When I have moments of sadness in missing my brother, I try to think of fun memories with him and all of the positive he brought into my life. For future proof to myself that we really are focusing on happy things at our house, here is a list of fun things our family has done this past month...
*Cabo trip with my hot hubby
*4th of July fireworks with our neighbors
*Swimming with the kids
*Girls started tennis lessons
*Kids lemonaide stand
*Dinner with Gramie and Grandpa Jones for Courts b-day
*Date night out with friends for Courts b-day
*Renewing our Temple recommends
*Playing on the slip-n-slide in the backyard
*Swinging on the swingset
*Riding bikes and scooters with friends around and around the cul-de-sac
*Checking out books at the Library
*Ikea for lunch and the kids playland
*Started getting the nursery ready for our baby girl
*Lots of feeling the baby move in my tummy (kids sure love this)
***And I almost forgot, our 3 year old, J-man is finally potty trained! One day he just decided he was a big boy and he's been in big boy underware ever since (tender mercy from Heaven during this challenging time)
(My 7 month preggo belly)
ALL in ALL, we are trying our best to be positive and have a FUN SUMMER!